Wednesday, December 22, 2010

"Is it ever bad to be polite?"

"Is it ever bad to be polite?"

If you have kids, well, even if you don't have kids, please read this, it is very powerful. Is it important to teach our kids ownership of their bodies!

quote for the week

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
~Franklin P. Jones

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Golden Rule

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

This post has been in the making for a couple weeks now. I've had the idea in my head and have been mulling over and over the best way to talk about my feelings on this subject. Basically, respect is important. We all want to be respected and (hopefully) to be respectful, we also want to teach our kids this. Furthermore, I think we can all agree that the best way to teach a child anything is through example. For those that are religious, even Jesus Christ himself said to lead through example. So why, why, why would we not treat our children with the same respect that we grant to other adults?

I know people here are thinking, "well, because they are children, not adults." But what I believe is that, yes, they are children, but they are also people. My 14 month old is as much a person as your 6 month old and your newborn baby and your grandma and grandpa. Logically, it follows that treating our children with respect, just like we treat those around us, and they will in turn learn to behave with respect. To me, this means that I respond to Victor as though he were already grown and could fully explain to me what is going on. If he has a tantrum, I sit with him and I tell him, "I'm sorry you are upset/frustrated/angry. I love you very much and would like to keep you safe." Or some close version thereof depending on what caused the tantrum, typically it is me trying to keep him from taking something he doesn't need to have. As he gets older I intend to teach him better ways to expend his energy like the pushing game and other great ways that turn bottled up emotion into a game and even a bonding experience. If anyone is interested in learning more about using play to parent and even discipline, I HIGHLY suggest reading Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen. It's amazing.

I also think that the best way to enjoy my time with him each day is to make it as tantrum-free and toddler-friendly as possible. Our house is about 90% toddler proof. The things that he can get to that we can't avoid, we simply teach him that it is not ok to play with. For instance, he loves to touch the garbage can. Gross, I know. But I have yet to figure out a really good way of getting it out of reach since it won't fit in the cabinets. Anyway, he will run over to it and try to lift the lid so he can look inside. At this point I'll say something along the lines of "Mister Victor! could you please put that down? it's yucky!" While I say this I will make funny voices or have the teddy bear/bunny say it. 9 times out of 10 he will put it down and come chase me from the room while giggling madly. I try very hard not to use the word "no" a lot. I prefer to say "No, sir!" or "not for Victor!" while handing him something more appropriate, or if it's more serious, "Please Don't!" or the deadly serious "Mr. Meyers!" I'm hopeful that by avoiding the word "no" as much as possible we will in turn avoid hearing it ourselves as he gets older and more verbal. I also believe that speaking to him with respect will teach him to speak with respect.

I love to play like this with him. I believe playtime is sooo important. Whenever I'm trying to cook, he inevitably pulls at my legs and fusses and fusses to be picked up. Often, I do just that. I know he is just interested and wants to know what I'm doing so I let him see. I've become very good at doing things one-handed. Sometimes when he's particularly hard to please I sill simply stop what I'm doing and sit down on the floor. Doing this and spending just a few minutes playing with him will often re-set him and he will be fine to play by himself again for a little while until I can finish what I was doing.
The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
- Lane Olinghouse

Now, it's not to say I never get frustrated trying to respond to him in the gentlest way I know how. Today for instance; we were playing on the bed getting ready for naptime. He found the remote control for the TV and whacked me in the face with it. Hard. So hard that I was tearing up and my cheekbone and nose were vibrating. I picked him up and put him down on the floor where he couldn't fall down and walked away into the bathroom. I let myself tear up for a minute while I inspected the damage in the mirror. I determined I would live with minimal scarring (hee hee, not even a bruise) and then knelt down to talk to Victor. He was very concerned, he had followed me to the bathroom and I'm sure he could tell something was wrong because he was just standing in the doorway looking at me. He kept saying, "Ma? Ma!" So when I knelt down, I hugged him. I told him I knew he hadn't meant to hurt me and that he had just gotten excited. I apologized that I hadn't removed the item that was not appropriate and asked him to help me remember. Now, I know that this probably sounds silly to a lot of you. After all, he's only 14 months old, he has no idea what I'm talking about for the most part! But I strongly believe, that even at this age he is absorbing more than we realize and as he gets older he will understand and will be able to use it because he's been hearing positive statements/releases for so long.

Children watch the way we react to things and learn from them. If I had started swearing or gotten angry with him all he would have learned is that those actions are acceptable and that that is the right way to deal with anger. By removing myself and giving a second to calm down myself, I was much better prepared to deal with the Respect I wished to show him. I want to treat him this way always. I want to remember that he is a person with real feelings. That just because he can't express them yet, doesn't make them irrelevant. Just because he can't tell me why he wakes up at night, doesn't mean I will ignore it. Just the opposite, I will respond quickly and positively in order to teach him that mommy is there for him. After all, if Matt were crying and calling out for me at night I wouldn't ignore him. The only difference between the 2 scenarios is that my husband can express to me what is wrong and a baby cannot. To me this means that a child's cry must be responded to consistently and lovingly because we have no way of knowing what the child needs unless we are tuned in. And yes, I believe that a snuggle is a need. Don't you ever need a good snuggle?

To me this is respect. Treating my husband, my child and everyone else the way I would like to be treated in return. Some day I hope that all the world will believe in this principle.


~~On that note, I would like to say that before you comment, please remember that these are my opinions and philosophies. This is the way that Matt and I choose to parent and it works wonderfully for us. I understand that many families have different ways of parenting and those methods work wonderfully for them, everyone is different and must choose their own way. This is simply ours. Please respond with respect. Thank you.~~

Friday, December 10, 2010

Family Pictures!


We finally got family pictures taken!! and Matt hates it so much that it'll probably be a loooooong time before we get to do it again, lol. But thank you honey soo much for humoring me and doing it this time!! The picture above was actually taken at the end of the session, and Victor looks happy but he was about to SCREAM!!!

He was not thrilled with the whole situation, but did much better than I expected!
Me and Matt
I was making him laugh, lol. When the photographer pulled the sheet down that he's laying on Vic thought it was so cool and started laying on it and trying to blow rasberries, it was the cutest thing!
His molars are coming in and we have a hard time getting his fingers out of his mouth so we just had to roll with it. I think it turned out cute!!
He loved this chair!
"Really?"
angel face"You really gonna let me have a cookie?"
"Santa?"
"Hey!! this cookie isn't real?!?" the funny thing is after he was trying to get the cookies off the plate, he leaned over and looked underneath the plate like he was trying to figure out what was wrong, hah!
"hee hee!"
Adorable! I think this one is my fav.

"can I get up now?"
the only way we could get him to sit still is to let him play with something, an ornament or box or something.
These pics worked really well because he loves to be read to and he just sat there very content.
Family Pic!


All in all, we are very pleased with how they turned out. Thank you again to my wonderful husband for going through with it!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Oh yeah...

This is my old, old hair. Back before Vic was about 4 months old. I hadn't done anything to it in a long time.
So then I dyed it a bit darker (which I love) and cut bangs. Took awhile to get used to, and then of course ended up growing out the bangs. It grew a lot for about 8 months and then about 2 weeks ago I realized how long it had been since i had cut my hair..... SO....



ignore my pasty face, i had just woken up and had next to NO makeup on.


I cut my hair off. I do not have a before picture, but it was very long, down past my bra strap in the back. I always have to have it pulled back out of the way, usually in a knot of top of my head. I have been fighting it and fighting it but decided it was time. Funny enough, watching episodes of "What Not to Wear" pushed me over the edge. Watching all these women undergo transformations and look/feel amazing, made me want to look/feel amazing! Plus, it had been 8 months since anything had been done to it..... it was time. So, I don't know if I exactly accomplished that, but it is MUCH easier to take care of and I think I like it. I think I will like it a bit better when it grows out maybe an inch or 2, we will see....

Victor's surgery

Everything went really well! His cyst was removed and they determined that it really was just a cyst. He had 3 little stitches and 2 have fallen out so we are just waiting on the 3rd and he will be all good again. He was a little trooper though! He was super mad of course about not being able to nurse when he woke up and then being exhausted. But we were mean and took pictures of him anyway!



Poor little guy... I just wanted to squeeze him and never let him go...
Awww.... my baby.....
Daddy was trying to help too... Shortly after this the nurse came in to take him and I just hugged him so tight and then lost it after they walked away... I could hear him crying as they walked down the hallway and I just wanted so bad to go and grab him and take him away! They were not quite as patient friendly/ thorough as they were at Women and Children's when he had his MRI done. But the doctor was quick and efficient and very good at his job. The whole thing took about 35-40 minutes. One of the worst parts was afterwards when he had the wrap on his hand.


he was just so mad! He can't stand it when you touch his hands normally and didn't take well to having it wrapped like that. Luckily, he adapted to it quickly and while he did get mad occasionally at it, he also continued to use it freely like nothing was wrong. Hopefully he will continue to be healthy, I think after 7 ear infections, tubes, an MRI and now surgery, we have seen enough doctors!!!

Friday, November 26, 2010

I love new stuff...

I'm so excited that I just ordered some new books. I am in the process of becoming a La Leche League (LLL) Leader and one of the things I had to have for that is their newest edition of The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, so I got that one. I also needed to read a book on childbirth, so I picked out Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (which I conveniently had been wanting to read anyway) and also Playful Parenting, which is a gentle parenting book that shows ways to connect and reach your kids by playing with them. Doesn't that sound wonderful? I've heard some great reviews from friends and decided I had to check it out.

Becoming a LLL leader is all part of eventually being a lactation consultant. I have become so passionate about breastfeeding over the last year that I can think of nothing I would enjoy more than working with new moms to beat the "booby traps" that many women fall into. For more on that, check out http://www.bestforbabes.org/ on how to do the best for your babe, whether it's BFing for 2 years, 2 months, or 2 days they want to help you meet that goal and this organization is dedicated to educating women about their choices. There is sooooo much bad information out there about breastfeeding and I want to help people and get them the right information.

I'm so excited to get my new books and read them!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Surgery.

Well, we had a day of doctor's appts with some good news and some bad news. Good news first! We went to see the ENT again about Vic's ears since the P.A. at the MRI said they looked bad. The ENT said that lady must not have known what she was talking about because his ears look great! yay! So on the one hand, irritated that the lady was so wrong and we had to spend $35 copay to find out his ears were fine, but on the other hand, yay! so happy his ears look fine!

Then the good/bad news. The hand surgeon said that the MRI showed the lump to look fluid-filled (good news!). However, because of the location, size and Vic's age, it would be better to remove it. This way it doesn't interfere with any development in his hand or his muscles or anything like that and it can be sent to be biopsied to make sure it really is just a benign cyst. SO... Tuesday morning at 8am he will be having surgery to have it removed.

I'm totally. bugging. out.

this will be the third time that Vic will have been put under general anesthesia and I HATE that. I hate that he has to be put under with all those chemicals and crap in his tiny litttle body... But it's times like these that I'm soooo incredible glad we are still nursing. At least I know I can comfort him in that way when he is going to need me the most. I don't know how long the surgery will last, I'm hoping not too long , but I figure at least an hour, probably longer. And afterward is going to suck so bad with the bandage on his little hand. He hates when you touch his hands and the few times he's had a bandaid on one of his fingers (just from a little stick to get an iron test) he flips out! I can't imagine how it's going to happen with stitches and a bandage. *sigh*.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

He's 1 year old!!!

I can't believe my baby is 1 year old!! One year ago at the beginning of October, this is what i looked like! then about 2 weeks later...


Magic! This beautiful baby boy entered our lives. Our lives have never been the same since this moment... they have been so much richer, more extraordinary and better than we could ever have imagined!

Pictures from his party!
Victor with Matt's mom Melanie.



Victor with my mom, Janene. She was visiting us for 2 whole weeks! We LOVED having her!

Vic with my mommy again.

Family Pic. I hate this pic I think I look terrible, but oh well.
First taste of the cupcake! Just dipped his fingers into the frosting.

Daddy laughing as Vic finally took his first bite.

Vic sharing with Mommy :-)
Yummy!

And.... he's done! He got mad when I was trying to help him eat it and he wanted out of his high chair. So we let him down and then started opening presents.


We asked everyone that if they wanted to get us something to bring books. We only had a few and Vic LOVES me to read to him so we really needed to expand our library. We got a bunch of really great books! Thanks sooo much!


Our friend Jessica and her son Isiah got us a lawnmower! He freaking loves this thing and pushes it all over the house!


More presents!

Yay for books!!



He's such a cute birthday boy!!! We love you soooo much bubba! Happy Birthday!

Ear infection, a lump and the MRI...

This is going to be a HUGE update with lots of talking and not a lot of pictures, sorry guys!!



So he got his tubes in about 3 months ago and he's been good since then. He was tugging at his ears a little bit but I was assuming it was due to teething cause he's been working on his molars for awhile now. One evening about 3 or so weeks ago I was nursing Vic in the living room and holding his hand to keep his fingers out of my nose (ha ha) and I felt the lump in his right hand. It's in his palm right where the first big knuckle is. First thing the next morning I called to make an appt with his pedi. The pedi ordered an xray of his hand and checked his ears for me too. Sure enough the left one was infected so we got some antibiotics for that.



The xrays sucked! I had to hold him while the tech was trying to hold his hand in the right place and he was screaming and fighting and just sooo pissed off. The next day they called and said that nothing showed up on the xray, just that his bones looked fine and normal, which in itself is good. But frustrating that they can't tell us the the lump is. So they referred us to the Bone and Joint Surgeons. Finally got an appt with them just this past Monday. Doc said he thought it might be a cyst, but couldn't be sure so they needed to do an MRI of his hand to find out for sure what they are dealing with.



Of course, for a 1 year old they had to do the MRI under sedation. AWFUL! They had to ue the mask to make him sleepy and start an IV to keep him asleep. It all took about an hour and a half. Of course I wasn't allowed to feed him beforehand, except nursing him, and the nurse was very misinformed about breastmilk and I tried to explain to her that BM is a clear liquid (it's 80% water!) and it only takes 90 minutes to digest so the fact that she was going to make us wait a whole other HOUR (it had already been 5 since he'd nursed) before starting was compeltely wrong, but she started in on the whole "it it were MY child I'd wait just to be safe.. blah blah blah..." making me feel guilty and then I couldn't even argue with her without making myself the "bad parent". I was SOOO PISSED. Anyway, then they had to check his ears to make sure his tubes were MRI safe. The lady was looking in his ears and there was enough build up of wax/fluid that she couldn't even see them. I mentioned that he'd had an infection a couple weeks ago and she said "yea, that left one is still red."

Arrggghh! So mad that it's still infected and that the stuff apparently isn't draining.

Anywho, The MRI took an hour and 38 minutes. The longest 98 minutes of my life. Poor guy was so out of it when we got to go back in. He just laid on me for awhile while we both cried for a bit and he nursed a bit and we cuddled and Matt and I passed him back and forth for a bit. After about 30 minutes we got to go home. He was actually pretty good after we got home, played and ate for a bit and then we crashed for 4 hours! He's feeling pretty good today, just is nursing quite a bit, i think to make up for yesterday.



We have an appt on Monday to get his MRI results and discuss what needs to be done. Then it's off to the ENT to have his ears looked at. Gonna be a long day of doctors!!!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

I wanna be like Handy Manny


Really, I do. Anyone who has seen his show will know what I'm talking about. He is the ultimate at gentle parenting. No matter what the tools get into or break or destroy he never yells. He never gets upset or even frustrated with them. Manny always manages to say something like, "That's ok, everyone makes mistakes. But next time you should be more careful with that." I love that he manages to phrase things in a positive manner while being proactive about fixing the mistake and he always shows them how to fix it. This is sooo important! He always praises them when they do things correctly and they all know how much Manny cares for them.


I wanna parent like Handy Manny. I wanna be endlessly patient and a real role model for my children. I do not want to parent with fear, I want to parent with love, and kindness and gentleness. I hope I remember this on days when I'm frustrated. Luckily our DVR is recording episodes of Handy Manny, so hopefully I'll have an episode to watch and remember on days like that :-)

Monday, September 6, 2010

2 years of Wedded Bliss!

Well, maybe not bliss all the time, lol but damn near close! and it's definitely been fun and exciting and sometimes challenging. Every moment has been wonderful and it's all gone by just sooo quickly!

I love you baby, so much and I am looking forward to every moment that is still to come for us, no matter what the future has in store, as long as we're together it'll be amazing!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Videos!

We were playing Peek-a-boo and this is the picture I got! Cutest thing ever! "Gimme some Cheese Dad! I love it!"

Every time I get the camera out he immediately stops what he's doing and crawls (or walks now) over to me and tries to grab it. SO I get lots of pictures like this!


Look at that face!! I laugh every time!

I love watching this video! We have a couple of them, but this is the best one so far of him walking. He can walk longer than this, but every time he sees the camera he stops what he's doing and tries to grab the camera! So I do what I can :-)









We've been trying so hard to get video of the little goober walking. He just took his first steps last week as you all know, and since then has just gotten better and better every day. He is starting to cross whole rooms now, and I know that in a day or 2 he's gonna be a PRO! I can't believe my baby is walking!

He's also been saying "Mum" or "Mumma" to me and "Dah Dah Dah" at Matt, it's so adorable, we love it! He loves to "talk" all the time and will happily squeal at me all day long. He has 8 teeth and 9 and 10 are on their way in sometime soon as he's been teething like crazy.


Oh, and we moved! it was a crazy week-long adventure, but we made it! We just moved about 15-20 minutes from where we were but to a much bigger 3 bedroom townhouse as opposed to the 2 bedroom we were in. It's a bit further from town and work for Matt, but it's a quiet neighborhood, very kid-friendly. Also, it's just a couple of blocks from the library, a playground and the pool, yay! And we discovered (again) that we HATE MOVING. Next time we move it's gonna be to a house were we will spend the rest of our lives. lol, well maybe not really, but hopefully somewhere we will be for a while at least!